When I am cycling I feel free.
I think of so many things. Yeah I have music in my ears, whatever Spotify plays for me, from hip hop to pop to club music when I reach a hill and I need motivational music to get to the top. (It really helps)
I go out for cycle’s for exercise (form of exercise that doesn’t make me flare up/hurt my back = sweeeet).
I mostly go out to feel free. When I cycle I think about many things :
I also sing while cycling.
Every time I have a cycle. I feel motivated afterwards.
It sort of gives me a kick up the ass && I love it.
I used to sing a lot in my old house with dad. Then sing in the apartment with Fiona. Then a lot in my new house with friends. Now I’m living with family && I am embarrassed about doing so in front of them. I don’t sing at all here. I guess I feel people will be listening and well, it scares me. It shouldn’t, I know that, but it does.
I hope to get over these feelings, but when your in a estate with houses close together etc? You feel people are listening, even when they probably aren’t & wouldn’t give a hoot anyway. Silly little fear I must get over.
Also. If anyone wants someone to practice singing with? Play music while I sing as a two piece or something? Have a back up singer etc? Just message me.
I was born into a loving family. Had a great childhood. Parents separated. I was asked who I wanted to live with. My mom & sister moved out. I took up many sports. I loved playing games outside. Board games on a winters day. My mom got sick. My mom got better. My mom developed Cancer & passed away. I began secondary school. Made friends. Gave a lot of dedication to sport. Secretly always wanting to be a performer, but fearful of what people would think. Ditched school when I had an exam. I had the option of going/not going to school. My dad had no rules for me, just trust. I won an all Ireland. I won sports student of the year in my final year at school. Completed my leaving cert. Got accepted into college. Started college. Developed Anorexia. Suffered from depression & suicidal thoughts. My dad helped me through all of this. I Dropped out of college. Got my first job. Began dancing (finally). Recovered from Anorexia through counselling in time. Worked. My dad got sick. I stayed on a mattress on my dad’s floor to watch him for 2 months. My dad took his own life. I broke down. I got back up again. I got my own apartment. Full time job. My back got sore, I was diagnosed with Fybromyalgia (this sh*t sucks balls) after all the stress I went through from losing my dad (by 3 different doctors, I was fearful as I had little faith in doctors at the time because they missed my mom’s Cancer & couldn’t help my dad) I done 2 online courses. I began blogging more frequently. A doctor punctured my lung. I got asked to take part in a 20 Part Documentary/Reality Series for RTE 2. Video recorded my life for nearly a year. Watched it all on the TV. My back had me bed bound now & then, still does. I started cycling, a form of exercise that doesn’t cause me pain. Began making my own videos. I done a short radio course. And now? I can’t wait.
Life changes. In one short day, your life can be flipped upside down. I have gone through bouts of up’s & downs, like errbody. Writing this? I am in a very good place. I feel like I’m seeing things differently the last year, literally seeing the best thing in every situation, every person, makes life so much better.
I’d advise anyone to write a life essay, because if you think you’ve done little in life? Which I thought.
Truth is. You’ve done a lot more than you think.
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
How many dang times can we say those two words that do not go well together before we realize “I can”
You can and I can do anything in life.
Literally, I’m not kidding. You can.
You just gotta work hard, be true to yourself, have determination, motivation, and a goal, and you’ll reach it.
That’s my plan to reach my dreams.
Time to get focused.
Sick to death of hearing myself say ‘tomorrow‘ or ‘someday‘
Screw that. Time to live.