So my final day of filming was Sunday the 19th October. Poo.
I switched off the camera for the Final time & was kind of like. Well….*sigh* *tumbleweed rolls* “What do I do now?!“
Lots of things! I have many things I can do. I learned a lot about myself through this experience. I enjoy being in front of && behind the camera. So I want to pursue that type of work if I can get into it. I would love to create music video’s, but we’ll leave that for a while. That can on my bucket list eh?
At the beginning of the filming? I thought that I would be paranoid & really nervous about being in front of the camera. I wasn’t though, why? I was the one choosing when to and when to not turn on the camera. I turned it on whenever. At the beginning these questions played over in my mind, as its always in over drive “What if I look like crap on the Tele?” “What if I shame the family?” “What if I look repulsive?” Sure feck it. Feck it! If I look repulsive? That’s how I look and there’s nothing I can do to change that, that’s me. So I went for it && really enjoyed the whole camera experience.
There’s about 9 or 10 more episodes to go on RTE 2 && then CONNECTED is fully ovaaa! *sadface*
So far I have watched half the series. All the responses have been really interesting to hear, whether people enjoy/hate/admire/loathe the show. I still enjoy hearing about it. Honestly. Every view point has a reason.
I have heard some people say :
“That Alanna one is too young to be on the show” I am 21 & have lived independently for myself since the age of 18 & feel I wanted to get people to understand suicide a bit better, to understand it’s not just you who has a illness that a lot of specialists blow off as something else, and that losing someone is not the end of your life.
“Hutchy hates you” No. No he doesn’t. He did not have to take part in this experience with me. But, it was my work for a year and he supported me through it all. He was honest. I asked him “do you think we will stay together if you finish college/move away?” He said. “he doesn’t know” I agree, fair answer. Simples, as the Meerkat would say.
“Can I just say iv watched 4 episodes in a row of connected and you are one of the bravest people iv’e ever seen. #ItsOkNotToBeOk” Thank you. Thank you for saying that. I really appreciate these kinds of messages. Truly. Maybe it will inspire people to talk to someone about how low they feel, if they feel low & think suicide is the only route. They might realize its not if they see how one left behind is affected? Maybe one will think twice? I hope.
So here is a list of a few goals of mine for my month of freedom to come : (i’ll try reach at least 4/5) :
- Get my Provisional License
- Get 1 or 2 Driving Lessons
- Swim twice a week
- Do my exercises for my back/hip pain daily.
- Try maintain my Fybromyalgia by reducing stress & Anxiety.
- Write a blog entry once a week.
- Try get a job where I don’t put pressure on my back. A sit down job?
- Write short stories.
- Draw/Sketch a picture once a week.
- Listen to a new Artist once a week.
- Start Vlogging. Youtube?
- Visit a Family member once a week.
- Ring my Granddad once a Week.
- Spend a night with my roomies.
Yup, This video below now means I can never get embarrassed again.