13/10/2011 SOS update

Hai there.

At the moment I am sitting in celines room on her laptop in her and Chloe’s college apartment. Its cool here, I like it, nice vibe to it. Actually its kind of warm, let me go open a window. Ahhh nice day outside so it is. Must go wander around city later. Although….Is that a bright idea?? Its nickname is stab city. I’ll take me chances because im a daredevil. I also need to get shoes is the reason really. Hopes they have a atm around somewhere. Last time I was on this the last sentence I wrote was “oh and i have a boyfriend ;)” or something along those lines. He broke up with me Tuesday morning. I think something inside of me died. You know if you imagined having an operation without the drugs the pain you would feel? Yeah well. Thats what I presume it would feel like. Mind you I really hope I don’t have to ever have an operation now that I think about it. Oh I am so smitten. I never knew. He said I didn’t make him feel wanted. I was ashamed I had made him feel that way, I am too wrapped up in myself, and that’s going to change. I am annoyed at the little affection I must have shown him recently, I know I can show more. I guess there has been a lot on my mind and I always thought he’d be there for me so I didn’t put him first, oh how I regret it and am sorry. To be honest the past few weeks have been a blur. Dad is going to get help. I rang him a while ago, I’m trying my best to up his mood, but I struggle in knowing how to help. Lets believe I can help. *fingers crossed* My boyfriend ( I sincerely thank you jebus for letting me be able to still call him that) was so certain he didn’t want me anymore and I quote “ive made my decision and im going to stick to it” but he changed his mind, multiple times. I’m so glad he did. I’m as happy as a, a, a Ryan in subway! Oh as happy as a hippooo. I had to fight for him though right? You can just let the one you love walk away without fighting for them? Well that’s my theory, I couldn’t leave him just leave me without us making it work. Now everything is out in the open, we just needed to communicate better. I tried to imagine my life without him. Serious lonely face. I cried and curled up on the floor in pain, Dad sat with me for an hour or so as my eyes swelt up more and more, looked like a bug-eyed ball of tears. successful relationships take work. So ive hear. I assume that’s true, you have to give what you want to get πŸ™‚ I want him to want to be with me so i have to be with him.

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