12/01/2012 Life got worse.

The last blog I wrote was on the 14/12/2011. I feel sick reading over it. I wrote “Dad is still quite ill, not many from my family know, but I try to help as best as I can, even though I snap at him sometimes, I don’t mean it, just gets hard all on my own 😥 Hoping he gets help soon, but he can’t be forced.Although I have jokingly suggested a straitjacket.” Oh my god. I feel so horrible. Why didnt I tell people? I knew for so long how depressed he was yet I didnt get him help. Now hes dead. Yep, my father, the amazing Kevin Diggin (Ted as some called him, after father ted) is now resting in peace in his grave. If I can describe how I feel its, heartbroken, lost, hopeless, in denial, confused and well kinda damn pissed off at the world. He is a amazing man. He was my daddy, and a great 1 so he was! When I realised he had done what hed done, comitted suicide, I was at my best friend Celines house, I was texting my brother, I texted him to find out who last talked to dad cus I had  horrible feeling something bad had happened. He got grandad to check on our house and he found him there. I was driven from celines to my aunts where she told me the truth, that I was already thinking and knew. I felt completely empty. Like my whole life had been taken away from me in a second.

dad and me

Im going to miss every thing about him. Even the annoying things :’) A amazing man has left this world, but only for a little while, I shall see my beautifull father again and ill never let him go. I never said goodbye, and I am never going to, because he is not gone. He will be forever loved and will never ever be forgotten.

I stayed at my aunts that first night and then my grandads for a couple, i now am at my cousins and I guess ill see where I wander to from there. Going back to work Saturday to see how it goes! Been hanging with my friends to keep my mind off events. Ill try look on the bright side about all this, ill always cherish the memories. Such funny ones :L If I start I wont stop.

xoxo whomping willow

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