I paint every nail a different color on my hands to brighten up my day.
And I buy a lollypop, everyday.
In the last few months I was trying to get my life back on track, after being knocked down, I was getting up again, people fail if they don’t try and I was ready to try again. In that time Ive been to Portugal with Michelle and Niamh. I got a new job Tuesday in a bookstore. I moved from my house as I felt isolated, I couldn’t get around, living there resulted in me crashing everywhere and living outta my orange bagpack, trustworthy aul thing. I live in a apartment now for 70 yoyos a week, no drinking water, a very dodgy oven and sensitive smoke alarm system, but I’m happier there. They said they’d move me into a different apartment, Ive moved a lot this year, the thought of doing so again is as unappealing as a left over kebab. I entered Kerry’s Got Talent singing, I sang hear you me by jimmy eat world. A song I adore as it reminds me of my father, listen to the lyrics. I auditioned because my dad always said go for what you want, he loved when I sang. I am curious as to why, he always did baffle me. I can sing yeah, but everyone can? I was taken aback when I found out I got through, then overwhelmed with happiness, I wanted to ring dad and tell him, but I couldn’t. I aspire to dance along with sing for the next round, I believe I am a greater dancer than a singer, but I have hurt my back. Iv’e been in pain for 2 months now, but the last 3 weeks have me crying in agony over it. I have been paying for physio yet I still feel the same. I’m afraid to do kerrys got talent just singing, I think ill mortify my friends and family. I know I could put on a show if I wasn’t injured and could dance. In all honesty all I wanted to do from the beginning was make my dad proud by going for what I wanted, now I feel I cant.
In this new job I work on the tills, I am amused by the customers who purchase fifty shades of grey, especially that religious lady who claimed she had no idea what its about. The people that work there are nice, its a quiet environment. Ill miss the madness in buddies though, one couldn’t deny we were all a big insane family, Ill always be friends with them crackheads. I get to visit Chloe on the smoothie counter during my break now though and get myself a tashty chocolate crossaint from tesco.
Due to this back pain I have barely been moving, definetely not doing any excercise, Ive been eating my feelings and gaining more weight, it makes me a lot more down than it would make most people. Believe me. My will powers a disgrace, junk food is a necessity these days, but I dont drink or smoke so i guess its my release. Oh, I always get a fruit scone from der o sullivans, the man from there recognised me in town after I went in 2 days in a row and they were sold out, he informed me there were freshley baked ones instore. Sad life of mine.
Boys? Well no action there since like nearly 3 months ago. As my closest friends will know, I tend to have to really like a guy to even kiss him, its how ive always been, and if I dont want too, I wont. My aunt in England told me you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince, mind you I aint been with any frogs, but I aint found my prince and its nothing that worries me. That poor fecker will find me someday.
All my girlfriends in Tralee and I hang out a lot all together. We creep in the car, stuff our faces, play charades and shake what our mamas gave us on the dancefloor. Were all different, so guys have a very wide selection of bizarre characters to choose from….If they dare.
Two weeks ago I cleaned out my sanctuary that was my old bedroom, a place where many sleepovers were had, where I danced and sang about with blaring music, and where I got through the sleepless nights watching girly films on my laptop. I hated clearing it out. I feel like I lost another part of me, I never left that place, I would sometimes prefer to chill in my room than to go out and meet people. I had everything I wanted there. Bar a fridge. Everything of mine is now in random bin bags in my grandads and im clueless as to what is where. Next month, August, is my dads 8 month & my mothers 8 year anniversary. Wow. Time flies. Cherish it. Im only 18, not for long. Having lost both parents in the world I live in is a big thing to adjust to. Having a birthday without my dad will sadden me. I was planning a camping bash, now my back is so bad I may not be able for it. Im going to miss getting my card from dad under my bedroom door, I wont lie, Ill especially miss that fifty euro. Ill do something for him to make him happy. Maybe draw a picture dedicated to him or write a song. I miss him, every second of every minute, of everyday. I always try put myself in his position and wonder how he went through with it and done this to my family and I. I wish everyday I could go back in time and talk to him and really have proven to him how much I need him right now. I hope my back will get better, so I can get back on track and not be so down about it, but I know I have so many amazing people in my life, especially my aunt and uncle, Lexy and Paul.