Huh. I dont know where I am going with this post. I just wanted to tell my schtory regarding myself and the relationships I have with the other gender regarding being more than friends, that would be men yes, the lovely fine species that they are. Irish men are the best. I swear I am female! I will not prove it, trust will have to do please.
Ya know when you have an embaressing moment regarding one thing and then it scares you off it ever again?? That was my experience when I was suppose to first ‘meet’ a guy. (that would be kissing) Otherwise now known in Ireland as ‘shifting’. I was 12 years old, in the library bathroom (classay) with a friend of mine who I fancied at the age of 12. Nothing serious I promise. But I stood there, like a confused puppy in a cage who wanted to escape, I stood there for a hour and couldnt go near him. The nerves took over my body and the heat was radiating from my body due to embaressment, I just left and said see you later. Smooth as Casanova eh?
After that I was just like when it happens it happens, fook it no big deal.
So I had my first proper kiss at the age of 17. I ended up going out with that person for about… 8 months? So I guess I am glad I waited until I had left school & pretty much dropped out of college to have my first kiss. Since that I have kissed 1, 2, 3, 4, other guys. By the age of 20, I had only ever kissed guys, and very few at that. Lovely guys who were all my friends.
Once I began seeing Hutchy, things moved forward. I am proud I waited until ‘a late age’ to go further and more serious in a relationship as that is who I truly am.
What was it that stopped me from doing anything more with a guy for a long time? I guess I just didn’t focus on it, to me it was never a big deal. At all. I wanted to wait until I was ready and actually wanted to have sex. I did not get influenced by people around me and never found age a factor, and still don’t. Sex, is a important thing in someone’s life, and was/still is a topic I get uncomfortable talking about to people in person. I DONT KNOW WHY! I just feel shy about the topic. I think its just who I am and ‘The Way I are’ as Timbaland would say. I waited for a guy I felt really comfortable with and know very well, and cared about because thats the way I wanted to go about it all. And I am delira. Whatever direction our relationship takes from here on out, I will always be happy with my choice.
But when you realize its a natural thing? And that we all are the result of sex? YES! Your parents made you! I feel I/We should become more open to talking about it and I hope to work on not making more silly awkard jokes. *tumbleweed rolls*Although I like the jokes I make sometimes, it makes me the strange bird I am.
Writing this kind of scared me as some may say it is too much to speak about? But writing makes me feel a bit like I have lifted a weight off these tight ass shoulders of mine. And I am going to do what I can to make this shitty body of mine thats slowly falling apart feel that bit better.