Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom, In my Head.

Right now I have the worst headache Iv’e had in a long time, because, well, I generally don’t ever get headaches. (this I am thankful for) Unless…I just jinxed it.

 


 

Róisín & I about 10 years ago.
Róisín & I about 10 years ago.

 

I feel there is an elephant charging against the inside of my skull trying to barge through. I would let it…if this was actually happening. I’m quite thankful it’s not. I have this headache because, I am stress-free  over thinking. My brain is going 90. (money, life, back pain, grieving, friendships, limping/hip pain, money again, dreams I will never reach, will I get better?, how do I get better? Where am I going in life? what is the next step?) I feel like this is what it may feel like after taking some sort of drug that gets your mind working on overdrive, to work in a busy bank or Abrakebabra after a night out or something. Wolf Of Wall Street schtyle. But its not suited for when I am just resting in bed. Jaysus would the elephant just calm it. I am a person who thinks she isn’t stressed, but inside the back of my mind…is a different story, I just like to ignore that chapter.

 

photo (3)
Pondering about this Life I feel I’m messing up

A few days ago I had music blaring in my room, singing at the top of my lungs. Ya know what? It makes me forget everything while doing so. I’ll belt out a slow Christina Perry song, Booty shake & sing like Beyonce, or just blare some You Me At Six and feel all reminiscent of my teenage years. Listening to music & singing really loud is a extreme release for me. I ‘sing’ while cycling along on my bike. If you see me on my bike singing? I may look the other way as a result of embarrassment. One can imagine that me out of breath cycling in the wind singing sounds like? A bird, yes, you may mistake me for the an icky CROW. (crows scare me & remind me of death)

I’m going to start watching my finances again. I am going to think logically & beneficially with my money now. Record how much I receive & spend. I am going to save & use it all for medical bills. I want to get better physically, this way, is the main way to help me actually get to see the specialists. And well, at 20 years old and spending like €10 a week on sweets? Is something I wish to stop, as I can use that to help myself. *Changes way of thinking* (If only it was as easy as saying it.)


Recording Time
Recording Time

I have spent a lot more time in my room recently, taking more time to myself, on my own, in my own space, so I can sort my life & things in my mind out so that I can make more time for friends/family  instead of constantly being distracted & thinking about things in my mind.

I think EVERYONE should take a few hours every couple of days, to chill in your own company and sort out your shizz. I’m trying to get mine sorted, and most likely after a week or so I will be caught up on bills, medical plans, online courses, recording for a TV Show and my own things in my mind.

Then I will be able to give others more attention, rather than being sucked in 24/7 by my own brain controlling me even when in company. I am serious, my attention span has flown away, I literally have to force myself to focus now when talking to people. But its always worth the effort for the great people that surround me.

 I had a serious Headache at the beginning of writing this. Now? I don’t. So I guess? Writing IS a great way to relax my mind. Anyone else feel the same? 

 

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