As I lay her, stuffing myself with “just one more” Sour Cream & Onion Pringle, that I already regret. I wonder, why do we do things to our body that make us feel worse?
Why do we drink too much alcohol? Why do we eat too much food? (USUALLY the bad kind, sure that tastes the best, or does it?) Why do we work too much? Why do we fight? Why do we smoke? Why do we lie? Why do we question things?! Why am I writing this?
In life it feels like maybe others are trying to challenge us? See what we are made of? See how ‘tough‘ we are HUH. We seem to challenge ourselves personally more so I believe, so many issues come across EVERY single person in their own lives, && as a result, people around you, typically try to help you through these sticky toffee pudding (yum yum) situations, you didn’t realize you got yourself sucked into. If you have the right people to help that is. It is easy to find them, there as obvious as pale Irish man sunning it up in Marbella. (the guy with the red ‘tan’)
But when you are stubborn/paranoid/fearful? (me, me, me, yes check! *nods*) Accepting someone’s advice and applying it to yourself? Is actually quite a difficult task to pursue if were all honest here right? Especially when you disagree 100%. Listening is easy, you can listen all you want, “blah, blah, blah, blah” *monkeys singing/dancing clapping symbols in back of your mind*
It is the process of sitting back & thinking logically, about the advice received while relaxing with a cup of Barry’s tae hoi. Or Lyons, ya know, whichever. *shifty eyes at those who drink neither* I find it hard. I personally love when my friends/family give me advice. I appreciate the hell outta that sh*t. I don’t know what it is I’ve done to deserve all the help & advice I get? Real Friends & Family shouldn’t have to do anything particular to give help I guess. But I dang on appreciate it. Applying it to myself?….Well that’s another thing. I am all one for dishing out my advice & wishing, so badly, others applied it to themselves, but I think I am as my own worst critic.
I riddle myself with guilt. Anything I do? Lately…
I see the N E G A T I V E S. In big black bold writing. What about the positives? For some reason they have been shying away. I never used to be like that. The last two years I have been through, what feels like a lot for me. I had a pretty chill childhood. Yeah the parents split up, I moved a bit, yadda, yadda. But I had a damn good childhood, I played sports, I made friends, I was happy. I had a great up bringing. Then along came adulthood… Word.
By the time I reached 18? I felt like I had learned a lot about life. NUH UH, not at all. Seeing my dad suffer every day though? That made me learn even more about life. It made me learn that your mind is the strongest & toughest character you will come across in life. It is what leads you to make all your choices, all your decisions, all your goals! No one makes you do anything. Your mind does. My belief that is. We all differ.
Witnessing him, screaming names repetitively at the wall in our sitting room, talking to himself in the kitchen, him roaring at me in desperation of help & despair when I asked him to stop “Acting Weird”, because I was uncomfortable with his habits (selfish b*tch), seeing him not eat for days and smoke away his stresses to the point of not being mentally here with us? … That made me learn, that your mind is the strongest character in your life in this world. You have to take care of it, && want to take care of it! We were all granted our own mind and sent on a journey to see what we wanted to use it for? Good? Bad? Either/Or? Sweet & Sour. I hope your not craving a Chinese now, if so, get me some Prawn Crackers eh? Cheers. That was a lot for me to let out, I am afraid my dad would be angry at me for saying all this? But, I want his passing to mean something though && I think ya’ll might learn to not be afraid? That people are here for each other.
I had a tough year living with my dad the last few months he spent with us before he passed. I felt like…a babysitter, to my own father? Irony at it’s finest. I stayed on the floor on a mattress in his bedroom, for months every single night. Literally making sure he stayed alive & was there to wake up too. I was watching him like a hawk but there was only so much time I could spend with him before he got away from me.
Now please take my advice && ‘MIND’ yourself 😉