What I wish my day was like :
Yesterday I got up and had dance practice. We all learned a new routine to Jason Derulo “Wiggle”, because ‘I know what to do with my big fat butt’ then went && had a fry up. Dacent.
Headed away to work in the local cafe for the day then to make some moolah (cha-ching). Met some lovely customers, and some not so lovely and got’s me some good food. I went to my aunts house and had a comforting cup of tea, made with love no doubt. Drove home in my car that barely runs, but hey, it runs eh? Cleaned up the apartment, had friends over for pre-drinks, which would result in me cleaning again. Of course I only filled up on some Ribena (love that scthuff, but tis fair bad for your teeth) I served some nachos and homemade dip, once people were merry? We all bopped on out, I danced so much people thought I was drunk and then headed home and slept to get ready for my next day of work.
This is what I want out of life. Simple. Easy. Usual Problems. But not many have it that way, that is life, we all know. I don’t have it bad, Don’t think I feel that, Half the population have it worse, but we all have preferences eh? A nice normal life, working, doing my favorite hobby, keeping fit, being social with family & friends and living my life. Like I used too.
What did I really do yesterday?….
I got up at Niamhy’s house in Killarney & got the chu chu train home, met Kayleigh on the train, we caught up on life. I had a physio appointment for my weak ass muscles. . . Literally, having tendinitis in your ass? Is donkey butt crap. Got some new strengthening exercises I find very tough but I push through it. (I try then get very angry at how weak I am and cry) I hung out at my boyfriends with Oscar & Celine. He made me a sandwich. I like sandwich’s. Don’t you? I went home to roll around on my “foam roller” which stretches out the knots and loosens the tension in my spine. *snap cracke & pop* Celine and I headed to The lads place to head out. Friends came, we all went out, I Danced a small bit, I still got to wiggle dat butt.
But the pain was stiffening me up I had to stop. It made me frustrated. Seeing everyone else? Makes me jealous, but not in a negative way at others, in a frustrated way at me myself. I got Raja’s chicken after and ate it with Oscar & Hutchy, I ate Oscars chips, ate too much chicken at 3am and felt like a lump. Yup, I fear my eating disorder shite it creeping back into my mind. I will always fight it off though, but it is there, in the back of my mind, all those voices making me binge and not eat good food && annoy the skittles out of me. It won’t win, but its fighting me right now.
The comparison of the two days? My actual day? Was a good day right? I spent it with great people and SMILED and had fun, but the fact I am limited to what I want to do? Frustrates me. As frustrating as dropping your cracker butter side down. Why? I feel my health is controlling my life and what I do. I need to fight harder, through the pain to get stronger in my body, through my weird thoughts, so I know what I actually think, and through my doubts & fears to believe in myself. Many people don’t believe in themselves unfortunately. *raises hand* I am one.
This song is one I love, the lyrics are so strong and you get a real insight into how he feels, the way he feels so strongly for his daughter reminds me of the love my dad had for me.