So this is what it feels like being 21….
Strange. I feel the same as I have done since I was 18. Does that mean that from now on, I will always feel the same inside, but I will just continue to look older? Fantasmical. 40 years from now I will feel the same inside but will have to deal with my whole body going south? Boobs going saggy hitting the floor & varicose veins?? Oh wait…The second one has begun. Thank Jebus I have started wearing baggy clothing from a young age. It will all fit me eventually.
I had a great 21st birthday BBQ evening with most of my closest friends && family. I truly smiled. Ear to Ear. Well not literally, I am no Cheshire Cat. I did not expect my friends & family to put SO much effort into the whole evening nor the lovely gifts. When I got there I think my reaction to all the amazing looking snacks on display was “holy mother of god crap balls“. Yes it looked that good! I felt special. That sounds as cheesey as a wotsit, I know. But I did. I felt good, about myself. I also felt strange not helping or doing the cooking or cleaning etc. I believe I got some cleaning done at the end, so I was not over powered by my feelings of guilt.
The last few days at the same time made me grateful yet also feel a little spoiled. I celebrated my birthday in comfort. I got presents. I went home to my own bed and slept there. The next day I was looking up the news on Gaza again online. I couldn’t help but feel guilt. I couldn’t help but feel privileged. Watching all these innocent people getting hurt, getting punished, getting killed. I couldn’t and I cannot ignore the feeling of wanting to help. I’m sure there are thousands who feel the same. I just don’t understand how this can be going on and so many countries are doing nothing about it to help. One can say it is far away, nothing to do with us etc. It is human civilization. This is our World. It is what lessens or faith in humanity. I hope it ends soon.
Living a few hours away from a WAR ZONE not being able to physically see or hear it does not mean it is not going on and I hope something drastic changes in this World. Wars have been going on since time began though.. therefore its hard to know will they ever end?
I am grateful for the life I have. I am thankful for the family, friends, life I have. I know, I complain about my back, about my daily pain a lot of the time. That? Is me getting the frustration I have regarding myself out. I need to let it out. Certain things get me down.
We all need to let what gets us down out every now & then. That is life & is understandable, every single person has something that gets them down. If you pit one persons issues against someone else’s issues, it may not seem like anything, but it is us who have to be understanding to each other and understand & see. That every single person is different and we all have different limits of things that we can take.
It’s what makes life interesting.