So. There is an advert for Connected (the TV show on RTE 2) on the Tele. I may have done a happy/screechy/excited dance when I first saw it on Youtube. Me, on an advert! What?! Ask Hutchy, he’ll tell you. Now I don’t actually have a tele to watch the show. But. . Maybe I am better off? Witnessing myself in the mirror in the morning is rough enough, if I saw that on the tele? It would only make me sh*t myself. Imagine in HD? All the finer details of my face… Mother of God.
Yup. It is all becoming a ‘reality‘ now. Even though. It is all based on reality. I am excited now. Are you? Around 3-4 months ago. I was not excited about the project. I was over thinking. What if? What if? What if? What If?
“Shut the fudge up Alanna“. I actually said this to myself out loud. Madness. Or is it? What if there is a title wave in Tralee town tomorrow? What if you break your leg on your bike Saturday? What if you win the lottery but forgot to pick your numbers? (jees wouldnt you go mad?) What if you kill someone? Well…That last one was a bit OTT. But you get the jist right? I had many people telling me “Enjoy this experience. When is it ever going to happen again?!” (actually I would love to work behind or in front of the camera again if anyone wants me *cough cough*) “Actress” available. I am not plugging myself. Not at all… 🙂
I got over my fears && severe irrational thinking. (you wouldnt believe how crazy my mind can be) After a month of my mind being in constant over drive, my head feeling like it was about to explode like a water ballon would if fired at a cactus, && lack of sleep? I took a sleeping tablet one night. Oh what a night. *sighs in aw* I woke up feeling better, thinking more clearly and seeing things with rational eyes, through my blue mascara may I add (funkytown). I realised all I needed was to relax. Relax my muscles, my head, my body, most of all my brain and get some Zzzz’s. If your stressed and overthinking about the same thing over & over again? If you feel tense and like your muscles are all knotted up to the size of a handball? Get some sleep will ya? One of the best cures I have found for pain. And I know a lot about pain. As does everyone. Mentally & Physically. Lately? A lot of my pain is aimed more in the direction of the physical side. Damn thos muscles.
I am so happy right now that I am part of this series. I am so happy I over came my fears as I am so excited for it. I am excited to see how people see me and how I portray myself? I think I will learn a lot about myself, maybe it will help me see myself in a different light & imporve the negatives that I have? Because, come on, we all have some. I also cannot wait to watch the footage of the other 5 women who are taking part. I really am so excited to see how different, yet the same we human beings are.
I hope to make my family & friends proud. Also, myself. Why the hell not. I have not been proud of anything I have done in a long time. This? Is something I always dreamed of. Yup. I was a Big Brother fanatic, I was a America’s Next Top Model fanatic, I was also a Operation Transformation fanatic. Now? I am part of a Reality show. How mad is that?Which I think has more actual reality in it than any of the show’s that I have seen. That, I am proud of. That I can say how I feel to a whole nation, (if there willing to watch) and be excited to have people watch it.
Yup, I am proud.