Today is the day Connected airs on RTE TWO at half past ten tonight.
What even? I began this journey along with 5 other women such a long time ago. I guess, I never thought to myself what I would be like at the end of the journey? Would I stick with it? Would I change much? Would the thought of being honest to the whole country get to me & scare me? It is safe to say my health has gone down hill, but otherwise? Everything else has been fantasmical & such a great oppurtunity. The year has been good & bad, like all things, but most of all a it has been a learning oppurtunity with many new experiences.
I had my first Photoshoot. That was…uncomfortable for me. I was first out & I felt like a damn straight plonker *attempting* to pose for the camera. I was like “eh…What am I suppose to do?!” But with the help of people around me & a great director they helped it all work together. I actually thoroughly enjoyed it after it was all over, I wanted to go do it all again, but better!
I went to a fancy schmancy RTE 2 party with people I have seen on the tele over the years, I sat next to Bressie & I didnt scream like a crazed fan girl like I would have at 15 *clap clap clap* for Alanna. He is a fine man. How well I have matured. Like a good strong…smelly cheese. I love cheese. I have stayed in 5 ish different hotels & they were the most relaxing nights I have had in years. The comfort, the food, the experince was fantastic. The baths….oh the baths! *uncomfortable orgasm noise* (I once had a cup of tea in the bath listening to Bon Iver, oh t’was divine, is that weird?)
I met many people. I met amazing producers & will keep in contact with them for years to come. I have had high’s & low’s & met with a psychologist who is working with the production company for all participants, he is there if I need to talk or need advice regarding health/life factors of mine.
I have gained more confidence. Yup, I never thought that was possible! It is, for you & I! At the beginning of this process? It took me a looong time to get the lady balls to record a night out, walking around town, friends even. Now when I have the camera? I whip it out like a randy man down the back of a nightclub. (I’ve heard stories) I definitely am more confident in front of a camera. I would love to try my hand at acting.
The thing I have learned most about? Is by far how to use a camera & how to shoot different scenes/shots I think my producers will find helpful. That skill… I am still learning, but I am progressing. It is not something I am going to stop after this is over. I am going to continue video work. I will start a Youtube channel & try my hand at editing. What will the videos be about? Who know’s yet. Some funny ones, some serious ones, singing, adventures around town, and suggestions welcome. (no porno suggestions please)
I was so close to pulling out of all of this back in April/May. Now? I am so glad I didn’t. If I did pull out? (there would be no babies…sorry that was rude) And I was seeing the adverts & people looking forward to seeing the show? I would be feeling that my fear of what other people think of me, would have beaten me. I am glad I didnt let it. Boo yah! I thank my dad for giving me that courage to keep going through the times you yourself find hard & like there is no escape. He always said you will come through a difficult time learning something & gaining strength.
I think I have done both.