Well. Four episodes down this week in the launch of the Irish Docu-Soap series “Connected” && Ireland has met Meself, Elayne, Nicole, Venetia, Anna & Kate.
I watched the first episode in complete comfort. (as I was not in this one) I ordered Dominoes for some friends & I. I squealed like a pig in muck when the beginning of the intro began with that funky Disclosure chooon. *bops in my seat* I enjoyed it. I truly do enjoy watching the other 5 ladies show their lives. I am beyond excited to see what happens for them all. I felt like peeing myself when it all kicked off. Oh wait….
Watching meself on the aul box? Well. That is. Uncomfortable, embarrassing, mortifying, emotional && surreal. I guess. i knew I had said all these things to the camera. But I never thought of how people would feel when actually watching the show. That shows how real it is. I am the one who said of these sentences && now people are listening to it on the telly?! What even is life. How did I get granted this freakin unbelievable oppurtunity? Jebus Christ knows, but I’ll never meet him, but I am so happy.
I truly am so happy. I have smiled so much in the last week. I am proud, yes. I am proud of myself. What a special different feeling to experience. *Brushes off me shoulders* I also cried this week. At the thought of my family watching the first two episodes, I knew I was emotional in them and that the series begins with me speaking about the death of my parents, through Cancer & Suicide. I feared it would bring back scary unfortunate memories for many of them. That? Has not happened. Woop! They have all enjoyed it and really are sucked into the show on my behalf and the other ladies. They all said they were proud. *blushes like girl on a first date*
I know that it must be hard for people to have watched the 3rd episode of the week, if they themselves or someone they know are suffering from depression and/or suicidal thoughts. I have received a message from a lovely man today and it made me cry. Don’t worry if you are reading this. No one will ever know who you are. I cried in hope for him as he is suffering terribly with depression & suicidal thoughts. Like many others suffering, I know he & they will get through their unbearable time. If not now? eventually. I know he will. I now know more than ever after this amazing week, that there are people who want to help. I have received some of the most warmest, kindest, honest messages this week and I could not be more grateful & thankful that I know people are taking us 6 girls for what we are.
Which I hear & know is honest & brave.