I don’t work well with change.

When you have plans made and they change…. *shivers*

It makes me anxious.

The unknown, the unpredictable, the future.

All those things make me feel quite a large amount of anxiety. Even if I am excited by an event? Look forward to the event? I will no doubt feel anxious along with the excitement for it. 

Why? I guess I think in my past I always made big plans with my life, always expected a lot, and a lot of the time they didn’t work out. So now? I just think I have remembered all those times things didn’t work out and I expect that to always be the case, as that is the only way I know recently, so I get anxious about so many things, and always expect it to be bad without even trying to make it good.

That isn’t the case though, in reality. A lot of the times everything is fine, everything works out, everything is peachy perfect, nothing is that bad. Its like my sub conscious tries to self sabotage. I seem to ruin things in my mind before they have even began.

I say to myselfI am heading out for the night with my friends tonight, I will have fun, I will be pain – free’

But my sub conscious saysNo Alanna. Ha ha no your not. I’m going to think about pain & make sure you feel it, don’t worry about that’

Yup. I am in a war in my head.

With myself.




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