Effing Back Pain

I suffer from Chronic back pain. Really bad damn annoying crappy back pain. 

It hurts.

My back hurts.

Everyday, it hurts.

It sucks.

Waking up in the morning used to be a nice simple happy thing. I used to wake up, brush my teeth, throw on whatever clothing I want and just go about my day seeing what happens looking forward to my adventures ahead. Seizing the day!

Now?

I wake up, I ache, I stretch, I groan, I crack, I pop. I get up, slowly, brush my teeth, hobble to have breakfast. Sometimes then  just head back to bed as I know its a bad day for my body. The clothes I put on are all for comfort reasons, which makes me feel like I have lost my freedom of what I wish to dress like. I then usually have to plan my day, because if I am doing something that night? Moving during the day is a no no, as I will not physically be able to do too much in one day. I have to plan my days now. It makes me anxious if I don’t know what I’m doing, because if something random comes up and I can’t do it/go to it because of my pain? I get real down about myself. 

I am sad to say this about myself but having back pain has lowered my self confidence a lot, it has made me a less social, its holding me back from many jobs I could apply for as I won’t be able to do so, or the fear of failing makes me not even consider trying as I will feel worse when/if I do. I don’t want to feel this way about this situation, I want to see the positives more. (working on it daily)

 

It sucks && I know past trauma has definitely created this pain, if not added a immense amount of pain to it. 

I am working on the pain. I need to as I want live life to the full! I speak with a chronic pain specialist weekly and do little tasks she set for me. She works on both the physical & mental pain. I feel proud of those moments I complete our little tasks. I’m just back from a chiropractic appointment as I write this & I don’t know has it done good or bad? As I am still in the same amount of pain, but I am trying to relieve the pain. I am trying new strengthening exercises. I just need to stick to the routine, it makes me less social for now but in the long run it might/hopefully will help me?

Anyone suffering from any illness out there? Be it a muscular, vision, mental, anxiety, disability, o.c.d, depression, life altering illness etc, anything at all, big or small, were all different.  Type out your feelings if your frustrated. You don’t have to post it to the public of course, but just all this typing/venting helps me clear my mind a bit. So it might help you? Might. May as-well try if nothing else is helping as this way is free and well, it helps you see your own thoughts more clearly when they are written down. If it doesn’t? At least you tried!

I post how I feel in the hopes someone reading may relate and hopefully wont feel alone.

Speak Up, Speak Out, Speak For You.

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