Health.com – “fibromyalgia, a chronic pain disorder whose often debilitating symptoms overlap with other diseases.”
I remember a few years back before life changed a lot. Waking up in the morning was pain free, someday’s I was full of energy, excited & motivated to go to work for the day, and on my days off? Not leaving for a few hours, reading a book or watching a TV Show, then getting up and going for a run. I used to do whatever I felt like.
Now? Since I have developed Chronic Pain? I find it difficult to manage myself daily. One day to the next I feel complete opposite ends of my pain scale. One day I will wake up, stretch out and feel OK, I feel positive on those days, therefore a lot more motivated, I do as much as my body will allow me. I have limits, and I know them now. It took me a while to realize I have limits. Other days? I wake up in agony, feeling sluggish, feeling stiff, as if I got no sleep. Overall? It feels as if I ‘slept’ on jagged rocks in the cold. It is a rare morning I wake up feeling refreshed. I guess, I miss feeling like I have been getting my ‘beauty sleep’.
How do I go about my regular day? The morning time ALWAYS consists of stretching lately. Ever since I started this? I feel much better, although it is painful? I am used to pain now. I may go for a walk if up to it. If not, I plan my day and what I will be able to do and when. I may have to wait an hour or 3 until I can walk to town for Milk, but I’ll get there.
With Chronic pain? I have put off plans for life, for example : career goals, as I feel, something will always stop me. I think that, if I go to college or apply for a certain job? Yes, I could get it… but what if I have a muscle flare up I cannot prevent and have to take a week off on the spot? Or I cannot move one morning and I have some physical work involved on the day? Someday’s I literally have a locked range of movement and cannot move. Those are the days my mood drops and I become de-motivated. I truly fear all this will make me have to leave or get fired from job’s. I previously had to leave a job which involved a lot of standing/walking & gave them little notice, due to the fact I had a really bad muscle flare up, I couldn’t help it, I felt so bad leaving them down, that I fear ever having to do that again. I didn’t feel good about myself at all either, I felt useless.
I have not been working for 5 month’s now, and I have now had enough time thinking about life for a long time, that I am so ready for a career. I just don’t know what I want. I’m 21 though, so that’s OK.
So what option’s do I have?
- Stay unemployed? Over-think with all the free time, which I don’t waste, I work on bettering myself and learning new skills. Sub consciously, to help me in my job/career search.
- Go out and try. Try as best as I can to work. Take care of myself as best as I can, physically & mentally, not let people stress me out, which is all because of how I am, not other people, it’s just the way I have dealt with people for a long time, but I have changed for the better lately. A bit like an epiphany really. I will do my very best now, try as best as I can to get me sleep, mind my body, surround myself with good vibes and try see the positive of every single situation before anything else.
Time to try live with this condition as it is here for life and the only thing I can do? Is try improve my quality of life. Negativity cannot be a part of that. Only leaning from mistakes, which we all make.