Where Am I At Right Now?

I have taken a little bit of a break from writing frequently the last…I guess you could say year really? I missed it. So here I am. Waddup?

Am I happy? – I’m happy yeah.

Currently? I have a load of things to be grateful for. I won’t list them all, as it would be a long ass list. Seriously. I’m lucky. For example that little carton of chocolate milk I just drank before starting this? Could very well possibly make my day. I’m honestly easily satisfied. “It’s The Little Thing’s

Yet… I still go through ups & down’s. I say that regarding my mood. For weeks on end?? I’ll feel happy, positive, motivated, excitable, energetic, determined, full of life. The Alanna I strive to always be. Then boom.! I hit a point where one day, I feel a bit….how would one say…I feel a bit ‘off’? Then for a few days, maybe even a week or so after that? I just lose all motivation & positivity and I find everyday things? Much more tough than usual. I can easily notice when I am feeling down, due to the fact I know what feeling good feels like. It’s good to recognize how you feel & take note.

Sometimes, no matter how good things in life can be for someone, every single person in the world can experience a tough day. Were all human, things affect us all differently. For me? I go through about 5 or 6 days where I hit a low slump. “A ‘slump’ : What Alanna calls it when her mood drops & is having a tough time personally” It happens every few months it seems. Or once a month even… thankfully not that often the last 2 years. I know when I’m in my slump and I also know why. I know I can do thing’s to help improve my mood too, which is a plus. Woo hoo! But… I have to admit it, sometimes its hard to do so. Very hard. I’m sure we can all admit that sometimes, life can be hard right??

When I hit my ‘slump‘ or when my ‘mood drops’? The way I feel? Is that, I just feel like staying in bed for days, I cry, yet I also feel a bit numb, I feel lonely, even though I’m surrounded by many, I curl up in my bed and hug my pillows and wish for a release from my own thoughts. Then I think to myself….“I don’t want to go back to where I was at the age of 17/18/19 when my mood was hopefully at the lowest it will ever have been at

To help improve my own mood? I know what things help me. It took me a while to figure it out, that you can do things that will help you get back to your normal self. Do thing’s that you find enjoyable. That’s what up’s my mood. Of course it does if it’s what I enjoy and what I’m passionate about… To try my best to get out of my ‘slump‘? I now now I should go for a walk (and I cry for most of that walk), I’ll listen to music, I’ll chat to friends, I’ll chat to family if I really feel I need too, I’ll make a video, I’ll watch a film, && I’ll write. Then after a week or so of trying my best to help myself? I get back to myself and a few months pass before it may happen again. Nothing triggers it, it just happens.

Obviously it’s not great that my mood drops every few month’s, but it happens, I know it happens, and I know how to deal with it now. That, I am very grateful for.

What I’m saying here really is, if you feel like your having a tough time now & then and you ever feel like ‘you shouldn’t be‘ because of all the great things you have going for you? Screw that. We all feel. We all have emotions. Sometimes they just need to get out to let you know how your’e really feeling. It’s just good to know how you can help yourself.

When you feel low? Down? In a ‘slump‘ like me every few months? Try recognize that & learn what you can do, to help you yourself, for yourself!

Colours Are Brighter When The Mind Is Open