Procrastination…

The last….Feck it, I was about to write “The last 2/3 weeks” But… when I really think about it? The last 2/3 years? I, myself, Alanna, have been a serious procrastinator regarding certain things. Is that even a word? Procrastinator?!… *goes to google* …Yup…yup…it’s a word.. I knew that…

*opens button on jeans before I start typing, as there too tight, as iv’e been procrastinating eating well for me, myself & I,  && I personally feel?…Like a bloated seal* – just saying how I really feel. Mind you, how do I know what a bloated seal feels like?

I don’t procrastinate over everything, I’d never get anything done then obviously. But when I do? It causes me to be anxious?? Is that even possible? I guess so! I seem to procrastinate doing things, that could, say, make me happier in my own life (Sidenote I feel guilty sometimes even talking about ‘myself’. Typing ‘myself’, saying ‘I’, speaking about ‘myself’, makes me feel guilty. I feel like I should just shush about myself, a strange one haw? Do you ever feel that way? Like when you talk about yourself? You could be annoying people? – I’m not saying I do annoy people…I might,  I don’t know. Sometimes I get that feeling, and it’s an annoying/frustrating one I wish to shake)

img_1203Procrastination. For example. Yesterday? I kept putting off making my bed, so I slept on an un-dressed bed. Maybe I will again tonight.

I have forms galore, that I have to fill out from way before Christmas, The thought of going through that? Stresses me, instantly. Paperwork? I’m bad at it. It’s always going to be waiting for me, making me anxious, so the sooner I get it done? Boom. The better! So you’d think I’d do it straight away wouldn’t ya?? Wouldn’t ya?!

There just two quick pointless examples.

There are lots of things I do actually do though, and two or three of my friends say I don’t give myself enough credit for that. So, I guess, I need to be  kinder to myself.

Why do we procrastinate?? …. Why do I do it? If knowing I’m leaving things pile up? Worries me. Why not do it? Then I won’t be sub consciously worried/anxious/stressed. It makes perfect sense! But I still…I don’t do things? Why? I know many of us do this….Don’t lie now. But…”Y tho?”

Maybe I personally fear being 100% on top of things? Maybe I fear the feeling of knowing everything is going well? Some unfortunate/heartbreaking/stressful things happened in the past, and maybe if sometime, everything feels like all is going smoothly?? I’ll sub consciously feel that something, anything at all, could possibly pop up and knock me back down? Is that it? Is that why I procrastinate?

All will remain the same in life if I stay that way though, I’ll never know what my limit’s are. I’ll always just stay ‘Alanna’, and that’s comforting. No change, is comforting. I don’t want to be ‘comfortable‘ anymore though, I wish to push myself out of that comfort zone.

Also, maybe I fear I’ll do things wrong too when I try new things? Then on the flip side, I’m someone who always has the mindset of ‘try something once sure’ && if all goes wrong? One will learn from it. Then again, I haven’t always had that mindset. Only the last few years. It makes life a bit more exciting && fun.

Ok…enough of my ramblings. What conclusion have I come too? (This feels like a Science project when I say that…) I guess my conclusion is that :

I need to do the thing’s that make me happy and keep on top of my ‘To- Do” life list. Basically I need to write a big to do list, stick it on the wall, so that everyday I am reminded of what needs to be done. In Big Bold Writing. Then I’m sure staring at the list long enough? Will inspire me to cross some thing’s off it.

Word.

Write blog post about procrastination

What was this post? I don’t know. Sorry. Ok Bye now, have a good day.

Banana x

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